Sunday, March 27, 2005

risks of life

i always thought i will die in a car accident. this is because i was always on the road, and driving most of the time. yes, i will admit it, i'm a reckless driver. and whenever people commented me about this, i will add, yes, I AM A RECKLESS SAFE DRIVER. it's not like i would like to die this way, and i would like to end my life now.. i just thought of this possibility, so that i can prepare myself, and prepare the next in line to fill in my spot in case my mission in this life is fulfilled. and frankly, haven't really feel i've accomplished any mission at all, so that means i have a lot of years to do that pa.. hehehe

i love taking risks. i swerve lanes.. i out of nowhere swerve lanes. i drive fast. just today, my sister Ever called me up to say their plane already arrived in NAIA 1, and i was still in the Nagtahan area, so within 20 mins, i arrived at Caltex gas station in MIA Road cor. Domestic road. that was fast already.

with my dad already gone for almost 10 years, and with the manner on how he left us, i feel that our lives here on earth are not as long as what we seem to be. i mean, who will thought that we will have all the time and tomorrows to tell the people that we care about them? c'mon! i mean, our lives here are only borrowed moments. unfortunately i wasn't able to tell my dad that despite of all the trainings that i endured with him, i will always respect him as my father and love him for that. and with my strong personality heaving a lil way for my family to continually fight, i have to thank him for helping me strong as i am now.

the risks what we have in life are all associated with the choices that we have to make. i feel very lucky that i will always be honest with myself. before, i kinda like to hide from what i feel, what i think, and what i want.. but now, i kinda don't care anymore to hide all of it... in end, it's my happiness which is important to me, right? i love taking risks.. risks in life, risks in driving, risks in business, risks in love... risks are also associated with triumph and failure. i'm not scared to fail, i'm not scared to get hurt. isn't it life is only learned by failures? hahahaha! i know i'm a very courageous person in taking risks. changes in life are the only constant thing in this world. i just feel that we have to have the courage to give love, in order to feel love. i'm courageous with this thing, but then, i guess fate and faith always make a good laugh of me.. hahaha!

i understand that people needs more time to think about things, whether to take the risks or not.. but we don't have all our lives' time right? i mean, like in driving, do we have an hour or at least a minute to think whether we should push on the gas pedal or hit the breaks? i don't think so.. as much as i want to be patient in the risks that i made in my life, i don't have all the time to wait for that risk to prosper or fail.. i really don't know.. anybody can help me clarify this? haha!

hey, it's EAster Sunday today.. i'm supposed to be happy.. since Jesus came back to life, right? i'm sad and gloomy. my temper flared up again. and this time, let's just say i'm already pissed! hahaha! finally!

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